Having lived in Philly all my life, and spend the better part of my pre-and-post college years living in center city, I had never heard of this BYOT before, again, for good reason. Let me just say that I am in no way a snob, and granted the food and service at the BYOT were excellent, it would be a great place to take a buddy if you were just grabbing a bite to eat, not so much appropriate for a first date. It was a step above a take-out Chinese joint complete with bullet proof windows. The neon signage fancied the place up a bit though.
I talked and giggled about the impending date that night with GP and company at work. I told everyone the name of the restaurant I was going to that night, and it was agreed upon by all that I would have a good time. Shows what kind of friends I have, that they didn’t even break it to me as to what kind of place it was.
I figured I would be nice and bring my favorite alcoholic beverage lambic framboise, also providing him some insight into who I am and what I like. Plus, I’m allergic to wine. I got all dolled up in a way that says I-look-pretty-but-just-threw-this-thing-on-kinda-way. I got to the place ten minutes early and my face just drops. I hope that nobody sees me here! I panic and call a lifeline, one of my closest friends and send her a picture text (thank you modern technology). We both shared a good laugh…for awhile. My first instinct was to jet from that place, chalk it up, and call it a night. But hell, it was a Friday night, it was nearly nine o’clock, and I looked hot!
First off, he’s late, a whole half an hour late. He gets there and I realize that the profile pictures of him are of him at his very best angles, but no matter. We sit down and we talk. He chooses a booth in the corner near the door. Since that date I pick my seating more strategically now. There was no way I could make an exit.
I set the alcohol on the table, and Mr. “Haxflo” says “you brought…THAT!” Okay, okay I’ll let that one slide. The waitress comes by and we order. He orders an appetizer and an entree, I order an entree. He asks me if I eat steak, I explain to him no, he asks me if I eat fish, I explain the reasons to him as to why I do not. Prince charming they proceeds to argue with me about my lifestyle choices accusing me of being some sort of mindless, hippie, liberal…as if his berating is gonna make me somehow see the light. All this in less than 3o seconds after ordering dinner…I couldn’t help but have a sinking feeling.
I decided to change the conversation to something more lighthearted and to something we shared in common. I jokingly told him that my friend is also on jdate and that we were doing it together. He asks, what’s wrong with my friend that she’s on there. Strike two, insult my eating habits, insult my friends. I jokingly tell him that him and I have broken the jdating rules that my friend had set forth. He goes on a diatribe about how “wouldn’t it be awful to tell people we met on jdate?”
At this point I take a full glass of alcohol to the head in order to be able to tolerate this guy until the end. I’m silent, silent-stunned actually, which is rare. Mr. “Haxflo” asks me if I am gonna run out. I would say that, that is a pretty good indicator that the date is not going so well. I silently, seriously contemplate it. I get up to use the restroom to rethink my game plan. I check my cell phone and its GP, always my cheerleader, she asks me how my date is going, I tell her horrible. She asks me if she needs to call in an emergency, and I tell her no I’m gonna handle this.
I take a deep breath and thank g-d as I walk back to the table, our food is there. I eat silently, and dumbass clueless Mr. “Haxflo” mentions that I must be really hungry. Wow, Mr. smooth is calling me a pig on the first date…Ladies why hasn’t someone snatched this guy up?
To make conversation, Mr. “Haxflo” tells me about his tales of drunken debauchery. While entertaining, totally inappropriate, and totally raunchy. At this time he thinks the date is going better.
We get the check and I don’t even offer to pay…small consolation prize as far as I’m concerned.
We exit the restaurant, and I’m searching for a cab. I start to walk towards the street in order to hail a cab, but that fact hasn’t sunk in for Mr. “Haxflo” Looking a little confused, he says “Can I see you again?” I respond with a nonchalant, “No.” “No?” “Why!” he says. I tell him, “not to worry about it,” with one foot in the cab.
You would think that was the end of it…But no. I get home, decompress, and log on to facebook. Lo and behold there is a status update from Mr. “Haxflo” in my honor. It says…”I hate free loading bitches.”
I’m quite stunned not only by his audacity but also because of his stupidity. This guy doesn’t know how to play the game, he is essentially giving me the benefit of letting me know that I got to him.
Feeling much braver at this point, and a little tipsy I text him. I tell him I resent his comment, it is wholly untrue, my intention of going out with him that night was not for the sole reason of getting a meal. A free meal is never worth putting up with a curmudgeon, ever.
Then a back and forth ensues. He tells me that I am looking for a lie, someone with better presentation than him, who absconds the truth. He wishes me that all my future lovers cheat on me, and that I have a life of nothing but misery and hell.
I wished him good luck.
In any event, he must have saw something in me, that couldn’t keep him away from my jdate profile every now and then. I guess he thinks I’m playing hard to get.
Tags: GP, Mr. "Haxflo"
